Not a Picasso, but Still Priceless

Are you pumped yet?! Three games into the season and the pitching staff is already DOMINATING, threatening stuff like no-hitters every night and racking up the strikeouts. The offense has four homers, three doubles and a triple. No errors. Is your mind BLOWN?!

The Tribe didn't completely dominate Houston, like you would expect any team to do. But you gotta hand it to Houston - that Keuchel guy and Altuve are both the Real Deal.

Trevor Bauer was our man on the hill today. Since the kid is so tightly wound, it took him a few innings to stop working so hard and settle into just making outs. He had 81 pitches by the end of the 4th. Still no hits and no runs, but 4 walks. In the 5th and 6th he was cruising, and he left the game after 6 with a career-high ELEVEN strikeouts and no hits. Looks like they've tamed the Bauer Tiger, don't you think? Arizona was happy to get rid of him because his crazy mindset couldn't be zoned in to a Real MLB Pitcher. But the Indians know Crazy, so it was nothing for them to put him straight. And here he is, winning games and taking names!

The Boy Pitcher Kyle Crockett came in for the 7th. Remember him?

Yeah after a partial season with the Tribe last year he's totally in the bullpen for real now! Anyway Crockett had It in him today, as did all the men who came before him, and he smoked the 7th inning with just one walk and two strikeouts.

Next was Scott Atchison - 16 years Crockett's senior - who also faced 4 batters and added one more to the K count (16 in all). Once that was over, everyone was like "OMG WE CAN'T NOT SAY IT ANYMORE! NO HITTER!" It's been 34 years since the Tribe has had a no-hitter. Seriously? The last one was Barker's perfect game in 1981.

Kluber came a little close yesterday but the Tribe as a team came even closer today. Nobody but nobody wanted to see Nick Hagadone in there for the 9th - and you can bet especially Nick Hagadone didn't want to see it - but there he was. Indians Twitter collectively counted to "One!" when there was one out. But there was no "Two!" as Hagadone gave up a homer to the next batter. LULZ

Terry Francona was having none of it tho. He was like "I'm here to win games from now to October, not fuck around with my bullpen to get you guys free Domino-nos pizza." (Hugely paraphrased) He's right. He's always right. Trust in Tito.

A ninth-inning homer didn't matter one skosh, anyway, because our bats finally woke up! In fact, as a consolation prize for missing the free Domino's we get 50% off Papa John's. Tribe5 - don't forget!

Bourn is back! He got two hits today, doubling up his total from yesterday and hitting like a lead-off man should. I don't know why people hate him so much. Is it just because he has a tendency to get hurt? Because everyone on our team seems to be hurt all the time (SEE: Michael Brantley) and we don't count them out. Bourn is at least good when he is in! Unlike some charlatans who are like "oh I'll just play on two bad knees, even if it means I'm awful. At least I try, right?" Bourn is just all right with me and I think we all need to love him!

People are diggin' Jose Ramirez in the two-hole, but I dunno if he is going to be hitting for power maybe he needs to move on down the line! JoRa went 2 for 4 today with a walk and a solo homer. Nice! Also they seem to think he's the second coming of Omar. I think he's great, no doubt, but I honestly am saddened by the complete disregard for Asdrubal's amazing years. I am almost wondering if Asdrubal had a crappy personality or something, which is why Tom Hamilton gives him zero respect now that he's gone. But, whatever - JoRa is our man with the moves now!

Who was ready for the big return of Jason Kipnis? Me me me!!! But with trepidation, right? Because how many times have we heard that guys are "back" from injuries but never quite the same? It feels like a crapshoot as a fan! But you KNOW we can trust in Kipnis, and the JK Kid is not disappointing! Today he had a darn TRIPLE, as well as an RBI single to go 2 for 4. And he's batting .333. Brantley numbers, yo!

Carlos Santana didn't follow up his birthday homer with any homers today, or even hits. But he used his good eye and got on base via two walks. I also heard a snippet of him saying something extremely wise - Houston is a good home-run park and that kind of sucks because when you get to the plate you just try to hit home runs. He's smarter than the average bear!

Oh Brandon Moss...some day you will come around and be the Brandon Moss we paid for. Any minute now. Aaaaaaany minute...

Did you see Yan Gomes' awesome play at the plate? He got a double in the 2nd inning and then came around to score on a single to right. He was pretty much a dead duck by the time he was 50 feet down the third-base line, but he faked to the right then swerved to the left and TOTALLY got around catcher Hank Conger! Conger is a bit of a boob and Yan Gomes is The World's Best Catcher so it makes me wonder how far in advance Yan planned that one. He was probably on second watching ol' Hank fumble around back there thinking "that guy won't be hard to cross up." He was right!

David Murphy got a hit today, as was expected of him. Nothing came of it, though. Same for Lonnie Chisenhall, who was also real-error- and virtual-error-free today!

Roberto Perez was the catcher today and he went 2 for 4 with a homer and 2 RBI. How awesome is it when your BACKUP catcher is so awesome? We had this "problem" with Santana and Gomes and now look what we have with them. It'll be interesting to see how much they use Perez since Gomes is so amazing as a catcher. Also interesting to see if the kid can keep it up when coming off the bench. Excited to watch it unfold!

Tomorrow is the HOME OPENER! YAAAAY! I think the home opener is a weird thing because the whole city is abuzz about it, and the game gets sold out, and then 2 weeks later you can't even find a Tribe game on at a bar anywhere. Kind of like how Christmas is a big deal for everyone but the other 364 days a year everyone's an atheist.

But, whatever. I have at least one friend who's going. I hope he sends me pics! And of course the game will be on WKYC - it may possibly be the last game I see on TV this year (I don't see any other games scheduled for WKYC yet). Plus I get off work early (I'm the boss so I set the rules!) and who doesn't love that??

The Tribe will be facing off with the Tigers at 4:10 (festivities start at 3, though). Zach McAllister will go against a RHP (whew!) This team has always been dynamite at home so I expect BIG things tomorrow. Can't WAIT!!

See you there!

Radio Chatter:
"This is shades of your 12-year-old Little League game. The pitcher and catcher are the only guys involved."
- Tom Hamilton on Bauer's first inning

"if it was Pitt in the 1980s, they were cheating. The coach was Jackie Sherrill and he went to the bank in a mask."
- Tom Hamilton muses on the 1987 Bluebonnet Bowl in Houston

"Here comes Evan Gatiss, the human air-conditioning unit."
- Tom Hamilton

"It's not a Picasso but it's still priceless."
- Tom Hamilton on the "messy" pitching that still resulted in a 1-hitter

Best. Game. Ever.

Man, I was lamenting the lack of baseball last weekend and for the last three days the Tribe has been BRINGING it! And today, they served up 5 hours of epic, epic baseball! Even if they lost it woulda been epic but to end with a walkoff balk? UNBELIEVEABLE!!!

Good evening, sir...

Sad Albequerque

There was so much game today. So much. All the pitchers. All the hitters. Errors, stolen bases, guys thrown out at the plate, guys thrown out of the game, two Cabreras, two Martinezes, three starting pitchers and a guy who pitched relief for himself.

I almost am hesitant to recap this game because 1) I hope you read about it online and see it on TV and watch some videos 2) I hope you listened to/watched it anyway or maybe want to check out the replay tomorrow 3) It's so crazy, how could I possibly do it justice?!?

There were definitely low spots to this game. Two errors and a base-running mishap were big, plus a bad start from Zach McAllister. He's sort of falling down that same rabbit hole that Carrasco was, where he's putting together strings of bad starts. Except unlike Carrasco, he started off awesome. Is he hurt? I kind of hope he is...? Because you don't want him just turning bad overnight.

So after ZMac gave up 4 earned runs in 2 innings (plus one homer to start off the 3rd), he was done. Glad Francona got him out of there early. There was no time for playing around today! No one probably realized that there'd be 11 more innings to go, so relief became crazy important.

Atchison did as Atchison does and went 2 very strong innings with no runs scored. He actually didn't have to face the cream of their lineup but even the low guys on this team are all up over .230. Someone posted this amazing photo meme to Twitter and I love it:

@CLERallyChicken @Indians pic.twitter.com/4qUoAh8Hhe
— Nathan Edwards (@NateEddy4) May 21, 2014

Scott Atchison is old. Get it? Hilarious!

Zep was next and HE had to face the cream and it did not go so well for him. He gave up 2 runs and didn't make it out of the inning. Carlos Carrasco had to bail him out. Embarrassing! Cookie actually did ok and pitched 2 whole innings. He also frustrated Miguel Cabrera enough to get him to get ejected. Heynow! It was a lovely ejection. I love ejections. Here's the video - the Detroit announcers are like "Tim Timmons was quick to pull the trigger" and then a minute later "this is the third time he's been ejected at the plate" so....really, guys?

Next was Axford, who really fucking sucks. Two more runs. Although one was an un-earned run on an error but we'll blame that shit on him anyway. So he was no help in the length department, going only 1 out.

Next, Josh Outman. Fine. One full inning, no hits, no runs, no strikes, no balls. Huh!

Next was this guy:

No kidding! He was there for a Major League game! And he totally got 5 outs, including Don Kelly and Victor Martinez. Oh, his name is Kyle Crockett. Really awesome to see him blow through like that today - especially since the older, veteran, millionaire Axford couldn't get two outs.

Bryan Shaw, who was throwing his third game in a row, came out just to finish the 10th inning. Francona was out of pitchers, as Allen was just off the table and he was the last one. Who was next? Tomorrow's starter, Josh Tomlin! And his hair!

Tomlin threw THREE innings and basically pitched like he would have pitched tomorrow. Two hits, one earned run and SIX strikeouts. Yeeehaw! Don't mess with Texas!

After all that it was Tomlin who got the win, cuz it was still tied up when he came in and it was very un-tied by the time he left. So now the bullpen is SPENT and our starter for tomorrow is used up. Will be interesting to see what they do. I would figure they bring in the next starter but I am not in charge of such things. I'm sure there's a lot of gum-chewing going on right now in deep discussions about this.

So, that was just the pitching!

Would you believe....that not everyone got a hit today? I'll give you a guess as to who fell short. No, not Dick Swisher but really good guess. Carlos Santana, that's right! But did he walk? Of course.

Michael Bourn is going up up up again, today upping his total to 3 hits (last night, 2) with his 5th double of the year and 2 runs scored.

Asdrubal was kind of cooled off in the second spot, just going 1 for 6. He also got HBP in the knee, and I don't know how or why but he stayed in the game. I guess because he knew Yan Gomes was not going to be able to come in to play short for him. Plus it was the 13th inning so who wouldn't want to be on base when the winning run scored? And like, SCORE THE WINNING RUN? On a balk!

Michael Brantley (.302) is a god among men and I think we should all start sending him notes every day about how much we love having him in Cleveland. Why isn't he on Twitter? Why must we be forced to send him weird notes on paper? That's weird. Brantley went 4 for 7 today and got 3 RBI, including the tying RBI. He also stole 2 bases because, dangit, nobody else was. And 2 of his RBI came with 2 outs. So, get your purple pens out and start telling him how awesome you think that is!!

David Murphy being a good guy is a meme now, or at least a trending Twitter hashtag. Check it out, there are some very clever photo memes being made! Today, Murphy and the Lord teamed up together go to 2 for 6 but most importantly they had 4 RBI. Including a 2-run homer in the 9th to tie the game. A.MEN.

Nick Swisher is still on our team. He had a walk and then got a pinch runner in Justin "SellBlock" Sellers.This guy:

California love

Jason Giambi got his first hit of the season! He also walked. Somehow, this didn't translate in to any RBI or runs scored but it's nothing but up from here. Uh...I hope. He woulda been up during the balk but they had Raburn pinch run for him, so it was Raburn who "won" the game!

You've already heard the sad, sad tale of C-los, batting 7th.

The Chiz Kid played at third and first today. He moved to first after Swisher came out for pinch runner Sellers, who plays second. Aviles went from second to third. Easy peasy. More Lonnie at first, please!

Lon went 2 for 5 today with a walk, and his 11th double on the season. He got an RBI and came in to score 2 runs. He did have an error (tied for 5 with Santana) and a base-running blunder but fuck it. Dude is hitting .367. Nick Swisher has 6 errors and he does nothing to contribute at the plate. Bah.

Handome Mike had a Handsome game today, himself. he went 3 for 6, also with a double, and also with an RBI and 2 runs scored. He did a really nice job hustling to score the tying run on Brantley's single in the 13th. Aviles is everything!

Man that was so much awesome baseball, I never want it to stop. It's like a rebirth, with all the fun on Twitter and talking to the non-usuals about what a great game it was and watching highlights and seeing all the memes and stuff. Is this the start of something good?

My brother posited "What happened with the Tribe?" and my answer was they FINALLY happened! It's not too weird that they played like this today (except McAllister) - the weird part is that they HAVEN'T played like this all season! And not just today but all 3 games here. This is totally the team I was bragging on the day before the season started, and the team I was sure would be knocking on Detroit's door all season. What changed to bring this out in them? Was it the lineup changes? The personnel changes? The return of Giambi? Quicker Columbus trigger fingers?

Whatever it is, we must see it carry over to the Baltimore series. It's imperative. And if it does - it's FINALLY going to be an awesome season for us!

Tomorrow they face Baltimore in Baltimore. It'll be a MYSTERY PITCHER (since Tomlin pitched today) versus LHP 3.69. O noes! LHP! It will be a fine test indeed.

See you there!

Radio Chatter:
"Of all people that you can't give a 4-run lead to, it's Max Scherzer."
- Tom Hamilton

"Max Scherzer is probably saying [to his pitching coach] 'Why don't you talk to my defense and ask them to catch a fly ball?'"
- Tom Hamilton

"This Tiger club with their offense, they are never out of a ballgame."
- Tom Hamilton

"Carlos Santana must feel like a pinata when he's catching. I've never seen someone take so many foul tips."
- Tom Hamilton

"It's almost like Scherzer started the game then Scherzer came in for long relief."
- Tom Hamilton

"If you're just joining us...yikes, you've missed a lot."
- Tom Hamilton

"Martinez knew it was strike three. The only person who didn't was [umpire] Tim Timmons."
- Tom Hamilton

"Knowing Josh Tomlin, he probably went up to Terry Francona and said 'Hey, put me in there.'"
- Tom Hamilton

"They heard Miquel Cabrera probably say some things they probably should not repeat."
- Tom Hamilton on what the kids at the field for Weather Day may have learned instead

"We enjoyed lunch with you, now we enjoy supper."
- Tom Hamilton

"HOW ABOUT THAT!! We now. have seen. Everything!! A walkoff balk! Unbelieveable!"
- Tom Hamilton